“I don’t have fun when you go out with me.” Let’s dissect this sentence. Before we do let me give you some background on this situation. I have not been out (to a club or bar) with my boyfriend and his friends or just my boyfriend for that matter in since November. Just about every weekend Friday and Saturday, particularly Saturdays he drops me like dead weight to hang out with his friends and I am never invited. On top of that I hardly ever see him during the day on these Saturdays either. Time with him during the weekends consists of Sunday during the day or evening until around eight at night and I am ushered out the door.
A while back we use to go to the bars all the time together. He was my best friend and he would treat me like a person instead of an old stuffed animal you kick around for the hell of it. So I asked, "What is different when you go out with me then when you go out without me?" Answer: I am militant. Where ever I go there is drama. I say, there are things I don’t like and if I don’t like it well damn it I am going to tell you. I have always been like that and it will never change. I am straightforward and tell you what I see. The flirting with other girls I am not a big fan of but what girlfriend would be? Is this the type of militant you are talking about?
Also, I am told his friends do not like hanging out with me either (at the bars) but they like to hang out in other environments. Ah, what? Don’t blame it on your friends! What is the difference between the bars and other environments? Could it be the girls? If there is anything else let me know. Why must you go out to the bars all the time if you have a girlfriend? Reason: the “friends” do not have girlfriends, so they are looking. What is your reason? The world is a wonderful place filled with numerous things to do besides go to a bar and waste money on drinks and a cover just to stand there and look at girls that don’t “measure up” when you are sober. My conclusion is that you like to go to the bars with out me because you are talking, flirting, dancing, getting numbers, or hunting and talking to girls for your friends who can’t do it themselves.
Let’s switch for a moment, I will be “the boyfriend” personality as a girl, going to the bars without my boyfriend would be awesome because I could talk to any guy that came up to me or I could care less about that person yet either way it is so intriguing to be able to talk to someone new. If I was asked to dance then I could if I wanted and say “screw it” no one is here to watch me so I don’t have to “walk on egg shells”. They will ask me if I have a boyfriend, what would I say? Would I say I didn’t have a man, a man who is sitting at home waiting for me to call him so that he knows I am okay or to come get me if I need a ride, a man who is at home painting a beautiful picture for me because he loves me, a man who will be there for me through anything and who wants to see me because I make him happy for the time that I am there when all the empty moments are torture.
When we are together I want everyone to know you are with me, I am so proud of you and all that you do and it brings tears to my eyes to think that all I am is bashed around your friends. At night when I am sleeping I remember the time we ended up at the same club, I was happy because I got to see you and I bought a new outfit for you and I wanted you to see it, but when I walked up to you all I got was silence. You looked at me and laughed, whispering to your friends and standing there with a smile on your face. My happiness quickly turned to questions. Being myself I asked you what was wrong? But nothing you said made sense so after standing by my boyfriend for about ten minutes of awkwardness and pure emotional pain I turned around and went to the bar. When I came back you had left the club without saying goodbye. What was that all about?
Honestly, if I were asked by someone this question, “When your man goes out do you think he would tell a girl that he had a girlfriend even if she was pretty?” Sadly, I have no idea. I would hope the answer would be yes because I am a good person, because I should be your best friend, because you respect me, because I am beautiful and for many other reasons. I admit I am not perfect and I do have things that I need to get over but I can not fix things unless I am given the chance. I feel I am being road blocked and that frustrates me because every thing that irks me is every thing we end up talking about. If it were ever acknowledged we could move on but it is just pushed to the side as dust covers it like snow creating that security blanket for you but I remember it. I remember these moments because they are what cause the hurt inside of me. I wish that one of these days I will no longer be dating that college boy who wants to go to the bars all the time to be “that guy” but I will be with the man who respects me and listens to my feelings and concerns.
