Reoccuring leaf...
Funny thing, I don't remember midnight at all this year. How ironic, maybe I didn't want to see it coming. Maybe, just maybe, I wanted to forget that another year had gone by filled with questions. Where am I going? What am I doing? When will I wake up and realize? I stop, think and find myself in complete amazement that I actually live on my own. When the hell did that happen? How do I even do it all alone?
My mind races to all those annoying questions. When will I get my bills paid off? If I could just get one cut down I know I could move without a hitch. There is always something waiting in the dark ready to spring out at me. Pay this, pay that. Shit, why do I even worry about it?
And then the dreaded question that has haunted my soul ever since I was five, I remember sitting on the floor wondering to myself, my mind ticking. Tick, tick, tick, beating on my brain asking where will I go when I die? I mean really I will not be here anymore so where will I go? I will not be here anymore. No more, nothing, empty, gone, nonexistent, alive no longer, my heart that once beat will stop and I will be no longer. Spiraling down, deeper, deeper, my heart races faster, faster as I stare out into space. Here I am alive worried about where I will be dead. Around and around the questions go through my body almost consuming me in darkness and even fear. I would jolt out of my trance and tell myself to get up and just walk it off. On and off since that day I have come full circle numerous times debating this subject with myself.
The next time was fourteen. Around and around I fall, a loud snap comes from nowhere and I jolt back to reality. Nineteen, what will happen? Twenty-three, waking up in the morning looking in the mirror asking, why am I here? Twenty-seven, falling into a trance, people talking in the background and once again the haunted theories rap upon my heart with a boom, boom, BOOM where will I go when I die? Why must I ponder this question? Why must I weigh a lot of questions that have haunted me since I was small? Tonight starts the images that have followed me up until now. Image one, death and what becomes of us?
My mind races to all those annoying questions. When will I get my bills paid off? If I could just get one cut down I know I could move without a hitch. There is always something waiting in the dark ready to spring out at me. Pay this, pay that. Shit, why do I even worry about it?
And then the dreaded question that has haunted my soul ever since I was five, I remember sitting on the floor wondering to myself, my mind ticking. Tick, tick, tick, beating on my brain asking where will I go when I die? I mean really I will not be here anymore so where will I go? I will not be here anymore. No more, nothing, empty, gone, nonexistent, alive no longer, my heart that once beat will stop and I will be no longer. Spiraling down, deeper, deeper, my heart races faster, faster as I stare out into space. Here I am alive worried about where I will be dead. Around and around the questions go through my body almost consuming me in darkness and even fear. I would jolt out of my trance and tell myself to get up and just walk it off. On and off since that day I have come full circle numerous times debating this subject with myself.
The next time was fourteen. Around and around I fall, a loud snap comes from nowhere and I jolt back to reality. Nineteen, what will happen? Twenty-three, waking up in the morning looking in the mirror asking, why am I here? Twenty-seven, falling into a trance, people talking in the background and once again the haunted theories rap upon my heart with a boom, boom, BOOM where will I go when I die? Why must I ponder this question? Why must I weigh a lot of questions that have haunted me since I was small? Tonight starts the images that have followed me up until now. Image one, death and what becomes of us?
posted by Unknown at 9:15 PM
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