Bad or Good...

Not ready for what is here. If I had a choice I would tell it to go away until it was time. I am not sure if it is coming or what will happen. Ashamed in a way that it is now. Old I sit here, old it seems anyway. Now or never runs through my head. What would it be like? Am I ready? Definitely not alone. I can't do it alone. Is this age enduring, will it be enough years to support? Can my wishes come true and make it all go away? Every night since I felt it, every night since my mind told me the what if, I have wished it away. If I wish it away will it curse me in the future? This is my secret and I am not sure if I can live it again.